i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize