One girl and one boy is just not enough.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
