If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
