I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
