I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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