There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
