i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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