ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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