I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
