She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
