No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize