Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
