I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
