apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
