Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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