This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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