Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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