i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
