I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
