Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize