So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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