We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
