Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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