we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
