she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
