Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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