Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
