How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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