i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Terrible idea I love it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize