And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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