Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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