SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
