This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
