Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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