I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
