I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
