i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
