"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
