is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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