The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
