I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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