It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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