They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
