the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
