Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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