dude i'm inner monologue high
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
