i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
