Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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