I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
only you would photoshop your dick
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
