made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
