there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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