so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
