Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
