I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
