i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
