i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
