My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
