Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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