You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
