Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize