if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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