Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
