chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
