Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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