absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
