I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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