so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
