I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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